who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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