i barfeds in our rink
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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