I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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