Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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