The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
