I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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