in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
should my penis look like a turkey
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
