Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
