It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
