Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
