remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize