How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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