OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This house was built for laser tag.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
