The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
