Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How external is "for external use only"?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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