I love black thongs
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
