I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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