Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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