you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All the doctor said was why
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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