My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
