We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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