No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
