I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
