Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
