it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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