also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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