he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
