Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize