that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
