Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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