Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
