i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
