Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
