Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
