That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
