I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
