I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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