You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
