your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
