i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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