After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
