i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
ttyl tear gas
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
