Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
