i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was CRYING into my vagina
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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