I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
