Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
