I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
