wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
