I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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