Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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