i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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