lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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