Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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