my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
