the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize