my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
