I'm lost and stupid without you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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