Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
