They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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