Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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