Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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