i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
