Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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