i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
