Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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