uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
