me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
