I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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