I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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