You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I feel great
I just peed on a car
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
