Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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