Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
