We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
