I am midnight drunk by noon
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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