I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize