Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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