I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
