woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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