Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
