if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
