I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
