Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so let's talk penis.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
