That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
