Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
