Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
