im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
