dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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