Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, beer. Big fan.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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