hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize