I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
