I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
