if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
