Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
