Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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