god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
