Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
