the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
