Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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