Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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