Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
