i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize