So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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