Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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