i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My pussy is not your playground.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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