They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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