i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
