if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
