My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
