from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
