Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
