Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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