I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
only you would photoshop your dick
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
there is glitter all over my balls
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
