I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
