he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
