I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Porn is love you can see.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
