well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
