Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
