I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
