id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You need Xanax blowdarts
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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